Metal Gear Solid 2

A guy named Kojima at a company named Konami made this game about people who talk all the time about random things and politics, and some people bought it I guess so he made a new one. This is the second, and it’s called Sons of Liberty. They were people who didn’t like England a long time ago, but there’s also apparently people like a vampire or a guy who’s fat. If that made sense, you still won’t understand this game, since it’s confusing and not good in any way.

See, it starts out okay, just with a lot of talking. There’s the Snake man from before and now he’s on a boat and he has to take pictures next to hundreds of people who don’t see him. Then a Russian guy steals a robot in the boat and you realize the game won’t make sense, since the guy has a man in his arm. There was this guy called Liquid Snake even though a snake can’t be a liquid and he died in the first game but now he’s an arm and can live as an arm attached to mister Ocelot man’s shoulder instead of his arm. Arms don’t have brains. How also can Ocelot talk like Liquid in a british accent? Arms don’t make you have accents. That makes more sense than most things in this game, even. It’s sad.

See, this is like an hour. You run around the boat shooting people then hiding them in lockers and then walking to the next room and hiding yourself in lockers and other things for no reason. It’s like they were just like “We can do things since it’s the PS2” then made the boat to show that you can do things, like shoot bottles and have them break or watch boxes get wet. It’s cool, but it’s not, since then you do something else. After this you do a different part where you play as someone who I thought was a woman but isn’t. He’s Raiden. He has white hair. Then you play as him, but he is not Snake. Snake is on the box and the back of the box and the title screen and the opening and the boat. Why can’t he be in the other place?

So now you’re on the thing called the Big Shell which isn’t that big and is lots of hexagons. You have to fight these terrorists who reference American history which is interesting but not when I should be playing a game. At this point, nothing makes sense. One of the guys is a bisexual vampire who can float and likes knifes. Another is fat. One is a black woman who carries a huge gun, and the other guy is old yet is like you. It’s weird, but they don’t do anything, since they just get together and talk about stuff like nuclear weapons still and why things happen. There’s just more talking. Lots of it.

Every now and then you can play the game, but it’s lamer now than before. You get to do cartwheels. Most of it is similar to the game before but now you can shoot in first person! That’s not as exciting as the exclamation point suggests. You can’t move while doing it. Lames. You also have to keep doing things like hiding them or dropping bodies into the ocean because otherwise people will see the body, look for you, then a minute later forget and everything will be back to normal again. There’s also a bisexual vampire.

See, all the places look the same, and you just run a bit and maybe use a grenade or gun and then you have to hear people talk. It’s this again. Why not make the sequel good? This time you have a girlfriend and so you don’t want to save, since when you save you have to hear her talk a lot about things like “I’m Rosemary. I reference Titanic and am a spice and hate you and let’s have anniversary remembrance time but you don’t remember so I’ll talk more.” I don’t like her, she’s annoying. Why does Raiden man love her? He should love someone good. You also have to talk to people from the first game, and one of them is talking about a film about escaping from New York and the other likes anime and cries. Why is this game so bad?

The other characters are horrible too, since there aren’t many, just the president man who supports terrorists and this colonel who seems like the one in the first game. He yells at you. There are only a few members of the terrorists, and they’re called Dead Cell and Sons of Liberty and there are other terms like La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo-Lo-Lu-La-Li-Le-Ly or something equally lame and the Patriots which aren’t football players and more. It’s like they had random names and used them to refer to random things even more than once, like how many of those do. S3 means so many things that they then probably got a dictionary and kept turning to the letter S and writing down words and juggling them and putting them together and making the plot from that, since there are too many of them. Like, a lot. Many.

See, you never do things. Just that small running, and the plot makes little sense. There are too many plot twists and all this stuff about how environmentalism is good and everything is a conspiracy and everything happened on April 30th. Most of the stuff they do is the same as in the first game, in fact it all is. You have to get most of the same weapons and fight bosses in the same way and there are the same characters it’s just in New York on a lot of hexagons instead of Alaska. Did they not have any ideas already? They just stole ideas and reused them and made people talk about more random things. There’s too much talking, but not about anything that makes sense.

Maybe they didn’t want you to understand the game since then you would realize the plot isn’t good, or that there isn’t one, since it’s weird and just about people talking about whatever anybody wants to say. Again, not even important things, just like as if they were Waiting for Godot and decided to talk about politics instead of taking off boots, but it’s just as boring. Actually Beckett was better, maybe Kojimimimima tried to copy from that man too.

The game looks a bit better than the other one, at least, since the main guys have eyes, but while the boat looks like a boat the hexagons just look lame. They’re all hexagons, and they all have the same colors: orange. Everything is orange. The boat looked good, but the rest is lame. Also, everyone looks pretty much the same as before, even other people, like there’s a new ninja who looks the same but isn’t supposed to be or something. The game confused me many times.

I really don’t see how people can play these games. It’s just like the last one but weirder and with a bisexual vampire and too many hexagons. Were they not able to make those in the last game so they felt like doing it only now? And why so much orange and not making sense?

MGS

Building a game can be somewhat hard, especially if you actually want to put work into it. These guys, the guys at Konami, obviously didn’t want to actually do that work. They felt games shouldn’t be games, since you actually play games, and making something to play costs money and time and more things. So he made a movie, but didn’t want to actually spend the time and money making one, so he made a movie then made a game that isn’t fun. At all. In any way.

There’s this man named Solid Snake, and he has a brother who looks just like him except they look nothing alike and his brother has a British accent. They have to be at this place which store nuclear weapons but is also an office building. Yeah, it makes no sense. They try to make the plot really confusing later on by adding all sorts of plot twists but the main story thing is about metallic gears which are robots with nuclear weapons somehow and they can walk. Why make it walk? Why not make it have wheels or fly? Or be a boat? The game is lame.

You can talk to people along the way, but they’re also so lame. There’s a colonel who hates everything, a man who sounds like another character but they hope you don’t notice that, a Chinese girl who reads sayings and poetry, another girl who loves you sometimes, this scientist man who made the bad machine yet doesn’t like it and does like anime, and some other people who are equally uninteresting. You can call them on this thing called Codec, which is a radio that freezes time and other people can’t hear it. Wow. See, it just reminds you the game isn’t real in any way. Instead, it’s quite lame.

So while pretending the story is good because there’s a cutscene every three minutes and nobody actually does anything that’s real and people lie and there are plot twists, they decided to also throw in some complaints. These guys hate nuclear power and eugenics and war and the fact that people exist and everything else, so they keep having scenes that go into tangential tangent tangents about how bad things are by showing movies. Why so many movies, men? This is a game.

You also have bosses which aren’t really realistic in any way ever? You have to fight these guys and they can fly or survive guns and helicopter explosions, and when you kill random guys you have to hear them talk a lot about crows and how much this kid hates his dad and the Kurdish-Everyone who isn’t Kurdish conflict and why people in England don’t like foxes and everything else. They just talk, since they don’t want you to play the game you payed to play and instead of playing you sit and go like “I’m not playing this game!” Then you’re sad. It’s lame. It’s like they had a bunch of ping pall balls and instead of playing ping pong since that would be work they put topics on them and randomly picked some and then made a lots of speeches with them. Why not instead make a game?

Anyways, for something like around five minutes every couple of ten minute periods you get to actually play and then you really realize why this game is bad. The game pretends to be a stealth game where you have to not be seen, but that’s really just being a couple feet away from people and hiding in a box and running into another room if they find you. See, these guards have often Alzheimer’s or whatever it is that makes them not remember since after several minutes they just seem to ask “I never saw anyone?” and leave. So you just run, and occasionally shoot, but not well.

See you have a gun, but the people can hear them well so if you press the square button you basically die unless you run a short distance and hide for a minute. In other words, this game is bad. Sometimes they just make you do stupid things like move controller ports or looking at the game case instead of playing the game. They basically just did these things so you can pretend the game makes you think when really it just rants about random things and makes you do random things. The whole game is basically just existing to string together the rants. Maybe these people should just write books about topics they find noteworthy and not make games, though this is barely a game since it’s mostly something you just sit there for and listen to lectures y characters.

You get lots of weapons, like one named after Communists and one that lets you plant suitcases that explode, but you don’t often have to use them. You also can’t. See, you just run around and hope you’re shooting well, since you can’t aim or go into first person or see where you’re shooting since the camera man is above your head not letting you see anything. They just did this kind of thing so you can’t see the graphics, which aren’t fun. Snake man doesn’t have eyes, all the walls are blurry and lame, and the areas are all the same. You’re just in an office and outside and in a cave and a tower and other places that are all either inside a lame building or outside in lame snow with no animals except birds and some rats. Why not let Snake pet a moose?

Also, you only run back and forth and forth between all these places, since the area is small and the guys at Konami place didn’t let people actually go and have fun and explore and see Alaska even though this place is in Alaska. So you run around a lot and keep going back and doing some parts like a cave with mean wolves many times. They could have made more than just a few places you do over again but they didn’t, since they were lame and just wanted to write things about things and have characters say them for several hours.

Then there’s music, and there are only two songs, and they aren’t even interesting. One is in Russian or something which I don’t speak, and the other one is the main theme or whatever that plays when you get caught and it lasts for only a minute since after that the guards forget. That’s not real at all. This game tries to be real which is why people talk so much and there are a ton of numbers about how many warheads exist and why people hate each other, but they ignore basic things like the fact that people can see and that game players don’t like it when a game is just about random speeches about FBI investigations and references to older games nobody played.

Nothing in this game is good. It’s a random plot that makes no sense with random rants and videos about random things mixed with bad controls, irrealistic things, bad music, horrible graphics, not interesting characters, and it’s repetitive. At least it isn’t long, even though there are two sdiscs, since these guys didn’t make the game fun. They didn’t try too hard, they were just lazy and made something else instead. Something lame. This. Metal Gear Solid.