Taking pictures of Zombies in a Mall. Can you think of anything that isn’t a ripoff of? The game even has a little box on the box that says it stole from the Romero man who made other things with the word dead in the name. This game is Dead Rising, a game so unoriginal it should probably be called Ripoff Rising, which would then have the whole alliteration thing going for it. This game is about there’s this guy who wants a Pulitzer prize and so he arrives in a mall to take pictures of zombies, and then leaves after three days since he’s lame and doesn’t want to be fun and stay for four, and none of that is new. Malls with bad things were in Silent Hill 3, photos were in Pokemon Snap, zombies are always in things, 3 days is stolen from Majora and the Mask, and the main character is named Frank. Why not come up with a new name, like Slaktimalistro? That would be mildly entertaining, unlike this game, which is not.
So when you’re running around this mall and taking pictures, you realize that seriously there’s almost no story. A guy wants a Pulitzer so he takes pictures of zombies in a mall, and while he’s there he rescues some people. Wow. Lame. Fat. First off, last time I checked you got Pulitzers for writing, not taking pictures. I mean, if I wanted to win an Oscar I wouldn’t start painting a picture of three boats, I would make several films. He should write books, not this. Also then, when you picture a journalist, you probably don’t picture this guy. He looks almost exactly like some Grand Theft Auto guy. I wouldn’t trust him to take my picture since I would think he would beat me up or try to sell me a rival Grand Theft Auto man’s kidney. He also looks mad. The zombies are also horrible men. They look exactly like humans, just with maybe a tiny bit of blood or something like they died a day ago. Lots of people don’t always die, but this game wants you to forget that things make sense because in this game they don’t in many ways at all. Like why do zombies groan? They’re dead. They have no vocal cords, or at least they can’t use them. If I shot you, you wouldn’t be groaning when you got up, you would die.
So what do you do? There’s a plot, but it makes you run around a lot and the saving is horrible and won’t let you beat the game. See, you have one save file, so if you have friends they can’t play, and if you save and then don’t have time to do what you have to since the game is timed then you have to start over. It’s lame. At least the game is short, which is horrible because the game is short. You have three days, and they aren’t days, because they don’t take too long, and there’s not much to do. You’re in a mall and there are zombies and you can kill zombies. They lied to you and said you can use a lot of things but you can but they’re lame, since you have swords and guns and so why would you want to use a necklace to kill a zombie when it won’t work and it will break? That’s the other thing: things break. It’s lame.
You need to play the game several many times to be able to beat the game, since you gain levels which let you do things like spin in circles or hold more things or be able to actually win. For when you’re running around, though, there’s nothing to do since you die all the time. The zombies don’t do much in the day but at night they kill you more often and have red eyes which is weird since it’s dark. You just try to kill them over and over, and they come back. How? You do that so many times, and when you beat the game by playing for a few hours it just says “Now beat it again!” Why do I need to beat it five times before I can beat it? Why not make the game fun?
The other thing is that the mall is weird. It’s really big and has things malls don’t have. Why do malls need a meat processing area? Malls don’t process meat. Ever. There’s a big bunch of grass in the middle, and how do people get in? There’s one door, but many buildings. There’s a parking lot in the middle of them all which are in like a circle, but those cars couldn’t get in or out. Do they have helicopters to move the cars? The mall has a helipad on the roof. Why? People don’t have helicopters, and helicopters don’t land in malls, and they could land in the middle, which is lame and wouldn’t be in a mall. You won’t want to run around it anyway, since only one store sells guns even though there are also some in fountains and places for some reason and if you go to some place, even the gun store, you sometimes find mean people who try to kill you and have weapons of their own.
But I still don’t like that you have to do the same thing so many times, since you have to do the same things each time, like the beginning part and having to beat the same bosses over and over and trying to get the guns again and all this other lame stuff. When you finally get to be somewhat good and try to do the plot, you find it’s lame. You have to keep doing things in a small period of time and the save points are far away and you keep failing. There are weird bosses that you have to fight and then you also see the other mean guys around the mall who try to kill you sometimes which makes it hard, but then there are parts where you don’t have to do anything for hours and have to wait a lot. Then you see that the game has a bad story, since it’s not about zombies, it’s about beef and a town called Santa Cabeza which means Saint Head and insects that make people into zombies. You also have to fight a tank. The game doesn’t make sense, and is hard.
While doing this you get achievements, but not many, since there are too many, and they’re all worth the same which is weird. Why is taking a picture the same as doing this extra thing where you have to leave the threesixtyclads on for almost a day and press a button every now and then to drink juice while surviving? And you have to still beat the game too many times to do most of them. Why didn’t they just make the game longer? They just wanted to make small things and make you do them many times so you think the game is long. It isn’t. It’s short.
Why would you play a game that isn’t original and is short? Why not play a fun game? Why are there many questions in my review? It’s because this game makes no sense and I think the people at Capcom made a bad game which they shouldn’t have done. They should have made one that was good.
