When you hear the word Gears you probably think of those things in the clocks that make clocks work being gears. This game isn’t about clocks. This game, which is called Gears of War, has nothing to do with gears, they threw that on because people wouldn’t buy this game if it was called Not Interesting Shooting Game, which is what it should be called.
You play as a man who is not a gear and is on many steroids probably named Marcus Phoenix Arizona, and he has to kill locusts. What? Locusts are small bugs with many of the legs, but these locusts are big and like you and not bugs. They’re supposed to live underground, but we know what it’s like underground. It’s hot and there’s lava, and anything that lives there can’t come up because of said lava. Yet these guys do.
But you have to read the enclosed instructions manual because it has the story, which is all about energy dependency and the dangers of not sharing, and if you play the game you don’t get a story. They’re just like “Man, you should shoot and sometimes kill things” and you’re supposed to be like “Sure” but I’m not, because I like to know things about my games, but this has nothing about it.
So when you fight you just walk through a bunch of hallways and press A a lot since everything happens with the button A. See, you do things like shoot but you first have to crouch, and there are things to crouch behind, but then you just shoot and crouch more until you beat the game. There are some bosses which also require you to do the running things, but not too much all in alls. Kangaroo farming is not something you would do, nor is even talking to people about things, or doing anything since all they want you to do is have guns and use them to shoot the things, and it’s lame.
When you kill them, there’s also a lot of the blood stuff. You have a gun and it has a chainsaw on it, which is weird since what if you cut your fingers, but somehow you don’t, but you chop locust heads I guess. It’s weird. Why put a chainsaw on a gun. Guns can kill very well without chainsaws, and chainsaws are for cutting trees, not locust men. You get too much blood also, since it’s like “YOU CAN’T SEE THINGS!” when you kill with it since the screen gets red. I don’t like being blind. This was poor design. It was.
Unless you want to only do this all the time, which you probably won’t, you might have to try to do sidequests, but there are none, since the game is linier. You just walk forward a lot and sometimes split up with other lame people but mostly always do the same things. You can find little COG tags though. Cog is a reference to the gear idea, while it is a parody of dog tags. That is clever, is it not? No, it is lame, as is the collection, since there aren’t a lot, but there’s one everywhere, since the game is short.
See, you have five chapters. Five. That is a small number. You’re almost always doing the same thing also. I guess once you get to do horrible driving which everyone hates, but mostly it’s just crouching and shooting while going down corrisdors.
As I said, there’s not even much of a story to talk about. You can map tunnels and then you blow them up by fighting a guy on a train, then it ends. I guess there will be more games, but this one should have a story, it shouldn’t only be crouching and then doing more crouching and every now and then and other times shooting several grenades or using guns. There are people, but nobody really says or does much except exist and be like “I’m existing” and not help you because those people are lame. You have to just be running to them and picking them up, but they don’t pick you up, since they’re mean and not interesting in any ways.
If you look at yon achievements for this game, though, you see they want you to play many times. They are Epic, that’s their name, though they really aren’t since nothing in this game is epic since it’s just about fighting not bugs using not parts of clocks. Anyway, they have difficulty modes where even the last isn’t hard at all and then this thing where you have to play as another guy who looks also on steroids. Why would people play this many times? They wouldn’t, or at least I wouldn’t, because it wasn’t even fun at the first time.
So when you realize this game isn’t good you might consider playing multiple player mode online, even though you need to pay money for Xbox Alive and more money for new maps to get achievements. Multiple players is not underrated, because everyone likes it but it’s lame in many ways. They have four modes and two are really the same and the others aren’t interesting. In three of them you die and can never play more, which is so lame. In Halo and other games that are actually fun you get to keep playing. This game says you can’t play too often. If I have a game, I want to play it, not instantly die then watch other people play. If I wanted to only watch people do things I wasn’t doing I would play Mario Party 8 or go to Prague for some reason.
In any case, the game both single and multiplayer are repetitive and not interesting in the first place. The graphics are kinda good looking, but why are all the people on mega steroids, why do the locusts look like the people but with gray or grey skin and wrinkles like old people? Why are there so few females in this game? The locust guys have the queen and berserker people locusts and the humans have only one person. Why don’t many women exist? Do the guys at Epic hate them many ways or are they just all lame people who don’t want to do the work to make people who didn’t all look like the same lump of big steroided people with guns? Maybe that’s also why this game takes three hours or sometimes a bit more and then says “You have beat the short game. You wasted several dollars to play this game”. It says that since I did. This cost 60 of my dollars to play and it was just somewhat good graphics without a story or sidequests or girls. They say this is Epic but it is not. It is not at all.
