Generally, people who sell the real estate get to choose if they want to sell Commercial or Residential stuff. Usually, the people doing the latter don’t predict that people who buy yon residential property might turn out to be evil. That’s exactly not the situation that Mister Leonidas Kennedy man encounters in 4 Resident evil, the game that’s not the fourth Resident Evil game since there was zero and the one with the guy who dressed like a girl and people went to Antarctica. In this game, there’s a girl and a man who has to go into Spain and kill everyone, and even maybe ride a boat. This game is bad.
The president’s daughter went on a vacation in a lame place and got kidnapped by cultists, and if you want a better story you don’t have one, since there isn’t one. You basically get to be this guy who looks emo and like he would cut himself while playing acoustic guitar, but he really gets guns. You fight enemies, then rescue the annoying girl, then move several feet, then she gets kidnapped again and you keep doing this. They thought that was a plot. It isn’t.
See, nobody in the game is fun. There’s the lame main guy named Leonard or something Scott, the president’s daughter who seems like she’s 12 and is annoying since she keeps being like “I’m not smart! Help me since I can’t run away from the guy who’s killing me several times!”. Then there’s a girl in a red dress who follows you places and doesn’t like anything and can jump too high with a hookshot. Then there’s a scary man who has everything but sells them using a lame currency that people don’t actually use. Why not use Euros? They use pesetas. Dollars would also be good. This guy shows up everywhere, and runs shooting galleries and stuff inside this other man’s castle. Does this make sense? No.
The bad people aren’t interesting either. There’s first this guy with a beard and creepy eyes and a big spine who you only see once, there’s a guy with a staff who talks slowly and spends money on stupid things, a short man with a huge castle that spans several miles and has go-carts and lava, and then this muscular guy who survives anything and has a claw. Really, all the people survive a lot. How? There’s one guy who can lose his legs, a man who gets killed many times and jumps high and has a claw still, and people who can lose all their body parts and replace them with parts of bugs or plants or something. What? This game makes no sense.
None of this does at all. Why does Leon go there when he can’t speak Spanish? Why can’t many of the other people speak Spanish, since they say things like the Los Illuminados when Los means The. That’s the cult. Also, why is the title 4 Residential Evil? The 4 should come later, like after the Evil, not before.
So while you play this, there are enemies, and they kill you. See, Leon can die, unlike everything else. He doesn’t have a bulletproof vest? He should. Anyway, these people are too strong. The kill you if they touch you twice and you can shoot them in the head and it will do nothing. How? These people are farmers, why don’t they die. Farmers can die. If I went to Wisconsin and started a farm I wouldn’t meet some magical wizard man who would say “I won’t let you die since you’re a farmer!” and put bugs in my head. That’s the other thing. They have bugs in their heads, and when you kill them you haven’t since the bugs come out. Why? This game is too hard, and everything kills you all the time.
The people who always kill you aren’t even good. There are them and dogs and sometimes women them, and some have chainsaws, but they all kill you. Then there are people in robes who kill you, and sometimes you walk along and see a picture at the bottom of the screen and if you don’t do what it tells you you die. Why do you always die? Why can’t Leon have regenerating shields or be able to kill others? Isn’t he part of the government? He should be rich enough to buy armor from people who aren’t scary and guns that can actually kill people.
It’s also hard to do because of the way things work. You have to point the remote thing at the screen but you can’t move it so you have to use the stick. What? I know. You also can’t move while you shoot. You have to stand still. Why? Why not move while you’re shooting them, that way you could actually not die maybe. But the game doesn’t want that, it wants you to always die always.
And when you play, you see that this game is short. You basically go to three places. There’s a village where you run back and forth a lot, then there’s a castle which is huge and has random things like a giant statue or a tower to turn a bridge that leads to the tower and a room with lava. Who puts lava in a castle? It seems like a bad idea. Also, who is the evil resident? Is it him? The man in the castle? Oh well, then you go to a mine which is kinda the castle but kinda a mine, and then there’s chapter 5 which is as long as the rest of the game and has horrible things like gray guys which kill you all the time. Why is no one nice?
See, the whole time they have no new ideas, you keep running to where Ashley woman is and rescuing her and trying to see her not die many times and then seeing her kidnapped again. I guess sometimes you have to do puzzles, but the puzzles are like things where there’s a switch and you stand on the switch and you solved the puzzle. You never have to do anything hard, just random things, and there shouldn’t be puzzles. To go into the castle you have to find parts of a puzzle and put them together. Does the man just have to run around his huge castle thing every time he has to go to sleep in his room? He doesn’t have a room, anyway. The castle has lava and a tower that turns a bridge and a giant plant that eats things and then tries to kill you, but nothing like a kitchen or room with beds. Wow, that’s realistic, except it’s not. Who builds that castle?
When you realize the main game isn’t good, there are others, but they’re also horrible. There’s a one where you play as other people and do the same thing but you have to shoot people more quickly and combo them and it’s impossible since you die. Then there’s one where you do the game again but only parts and as somebody else who dies even easier. There’s a harder mode where you die even more often, and another one where you play as the girl named Ada and die. You always die. This game is too hard and lame and weird.
Residential Evil doesn’t let you do anything since it’s too linear, there aren’t many interesting places, the game is short, and you always die, and the characters aren’t interesting, and the plot is lame, and there are even other things wrong with it. You probably shouldn’t play it unless you like playing games that aren’t good.
