Some games

I haven’t written some reviews for a while since I haven’t played some games in a while, but I played some games so should reviews exist? They do. A while ago there was this game that was not a good game that was about heroes and how there weren’t many of them and it was bad. Then I played some other game. That 51st of men who made that game of swords of light and Christmas made another game a while ago about people who kill people. Seven of them. The killers, not the ones they kill. There are really eight. That’s when I learned the game was bad.

So you play as some men who kill some things but you can’t move because the sticks don’t work, except they do, except they don’t. You have to hit some buttons to run forward because you can’t use the sticks and then press a lot of things and shoot dots on evil things that explode. See nobody cares. Realism? That makes sense. But this doesn’t at all. You get a lot of blood and have to meet some guys who think they’re spider man and tell you things slowly and with text. Why don’t they who’s one person or many maybe speak? Other people speak. Speaking words is fun. Unlike this game.

After some while of dying a lot I found a thing that laid eggs and I had to become a superhero and shoot magic and shoot some dots. Again. Then I got a bullet and had to hear Travis not Touchdown talk about not killing people but killing people and doing taxes. Or something. There’s a lot of things about how Japan exists and maybe people should write some forms and maybe countries don’t like each other. Then you fight monsters by shooting dots. Then you slit your wrists. Then you really slit your wrists because this game doesn’t make sense forever. At all. It’s bad.

Eventually I played a lot and died a lot and never knew anything and then I saw some things about people who play chess and ride bullets to the top of buildings and then maybe get down somehow or maybe not. He should take an elevator instead. Then you see some anime for ten minutes. Or maybe twenty. It’s long, and it’s all about how weapons don’t exist and terrorists are bad and then there are terrorists and weapons. Later I think you go to Texas and kill hair. But I didn’t play that far, and I decided to play a better game that isn’t this, and maybe one where you aren’t seven people, and instead you’re maybe someone fun. And maybe it’s a better game where you can move without hitting buttons a lot. It wasn’t.

So next I had a falling out with my friend and decided to have a fun falling out instead and played a game called Fallout. There were bombs. It was bad. Remember that game about Obliviating things where you didn’t have cars or guns? They added cars and guns. And it’s now in Washington. So you start out as a baby but you don’t know if you’re a cute baby since you only get to decide to be a cute adult or maybe an ugly one since all you can do is choose lame things like if you like beards. You can’t do fun things like be not a person or be French or have fun, you just see what will happen later. How can you see how you’ll cut your hair later? You can’t.

After a while you find some books and go to a party and answer questions that aren’t about owning farms and then you leave the vault which is a cave and find that nothing exists. It’s like Oblivion, but less exists, because now there aren’t even trees, there are just rocks. Many of them. Everywhere. You also have guns, but you can’t shoot them or the game says “Guns can’t be shot all the time” and you lose ammo and die from scorpions.

Mostly you just walk too much and see some rocks and some big things that like to kill other things. Sometimes you talk to people and you remember the game is like Oblivion and they ask you to walk more places or kill some things and if you kill them then Shiva doesn’t like you and will make you spend your next life as a tapir and other people are also sad. So they won’t like you either. The guns and things are fun, but they should have just put them in Oblivion again and added towns and then said not to buy it and to buy a good game instead. Instead they made this. It’s bad. Don’t rent it very often.

So finally I tried to play a game that I thought was about hair that wasn’t about hair. It was Braid. It’s about sand and reading some books while you solve jigsaw puzzles and read some books. If I wanted to read some books I would buy a silver mine, mine some silver, make a silver time machine of silver time, go back in time, pretend I was Swedish, make some steel, open a library near where I live since there aren’t libraries near where I live, ask someone to write some books, and read some books. I wouldn’t play some games. I should tell that to people.

So you play as this man who likes to wear suits and jump a lot in his suit that he wears while he runs which you can’t do in a suit, and then you play Mario again. I played Mario before. It was bad. It was made years ago. I wanted to play something made fewer years ago, like one. You jump on some things and can sometimes press a button to pretend you didn’t jump on some things, and then you wear more suits. You have to get some puzzles that you can’t really get, since you have to know some things you can’t, since the game doesn’t say ever. I didn’t make the game, and I even read some books, but I didn’t know how to do impossible things, and finally I did and all I got to do was do jigsaw puzzles. I have a jigsaw puzzle in my house that makes a picture of a cat. These puzzles just show guys who like sitting down and being sad and sometimes making platforms which aren’t part of the painting but are. Maybe.

Later on the game realizes it’s bad and tries to be less bad by pretending it’s not bad. But it is. You have to run backwards to reverse things and then do everything from left to right because the game is 2D. They were too lazy to add the good dimension. They should have done that. You sometimes have to also pretend things didn’t happen and see them happen again, and then you get a ring, but you forget how to do it when you leave some doors. Why? The game doesn’t make sense, and there are many books, and they say nothing except that Tim the man wants to find a princess in New York and she has hair. But he’s not in New York. He’s in Marioland where he can jump in a suit. It was bad. I want to play better games. People should make some.

An actually good game

I give some bad reviews to games some other people think are good, so some people have asked me “Massany7, do you like games?” Si, see, I like games, but I like good games, like Bomberman 64. So I wrote this to show people I like games if they are good, like this one, which is Bomberman 64, a good game.

I’m not sure where to start explaining how fun and good Bomberman 64 is, but it is very good and quite fun. You play as the titular Bomberman, and as his name suggests he is a man with bombs. He can use these bombs to blow things up, but there are other things he can do with yon bombs. Not only do you can blow up crates and enemies, you can use these bombs to jump on the bombs, to kick and control the bombs, to solve puzzly puzzles, and to fight bosses. You can charge these bombs and do all sorts of other fun things, and the game lets you beat the levels by doing these things. This way, you don’t have to learn a ton of complex things but can do a lot of cool things with bombs, something most games which aren’t Bomberman 64 don’t let you do.

There are four levels in this game, each of which has four levels in the level, but then there’s a fifth and even a sixth if you find these cards in the other levels. The cards are hidden well, and you have to use the bombs that Bomberman uses to get them, but you have to use them in fun and hard to find out ways. When you get all the cards you get an extra level with four levels, and then with the cards from those ones you don’t get kicked out of soccer but instead get a new type of bomb. With all of this the game keeps being played, and when you turn it off it says “Don’t turn me off, I’m fun and there’s more to do in Bomberman 64.” Actually it doesn’t, but it does, because Bomberman 64 might as well since there’s a lot to do and it’s all new and cool and great and fun and not lame. You’ll play Bomberman 64 for a long time, maybe weeks or longer times, even.

In these levels of which there are four in a level, two have you getting through fun adventures and two have you fighting monsters and bad people. The bosses are all unique and you have to find new ways to use bombs, since many of them are flying or not holding a sign that says “Hit me with bombs”. The bosses are hard and fun but so are the adventures. You explore these different parts of castles or mountains and have to find out how to get to the end. These places are parts of the Earth and look very realistic yet still surreal and different enough to not be boring. Bomberman has a lot of bombs, but he’s Bomberman so it’s fine. If he was named Joe or Bob or Franzibald or something then I would ask “How did he get the bombs?” but his name is Bomberman, so it makes sense a lot. Why wouldn’t Bomberman have bombs? If he didn’t have bombs his name would not be Bomberman, it would be Manwithoutbombsman or something equally not Bomberman, obviously.

So what is the story? It has a really cool plot twist, also. Almost as cool as that one in Fight Club, except Bomberman isn’t Tyler Durden and nothing explodes, except a lot, because you’re Bomberman, and you have bombs. The story also doesn’t interfere much with the game, so the game doesn’t say “Stop playing to hear the story” ever, and when it does it’s short. Evil people named Artemis and Altair and some other people whose names don’t tie into the next sentence zombify a planet and steal parts of it, then Bomberman goes to those parts to destroy a forceful field and kill the guys. They don’t hang around with fairies or kill old people despite living in the future, they’re interesting and fun villains and make the game even better.

If you don’t feel like going on the fun adventures, there are also battles you can do with three other people, because the Nintendo 64 has four controller ports. If you don’t have friends because you’re ugly, you can also play the game against the game. You take powerups and try to blow up other Bombermans who also have bombs. You can also have teams and play things like Capture the Flag almost except with gems and not flags. The multiplayer is awesome, even though it’s not online since the Nintendo 64 wasn’t online, but it’s still awesome crazy fun. You have a ton of different stages assuming stages weighs 200 pounds and you live in America and use not the metric system, and all sorts of power ups like one which gives you more bombs and one which gives you a cat that makes everything be weird but fun again. All the stages are different and have fun and hard things so you have to learn them all, which you’ll want to because this is a good game.

This isn’t just a Nintendo game, but also a third party and old Nintendo game, so it isn’t very good when you look at the things like how the game looks and sounds. Still, when you throw a bomb you’ll be like, “Hey, I know I just threw a bomb” since you hear the explosion sound and see the bomb and the explosion and there no longer is a bomb. If this game was for the new consoles I would say “How come there is the bad sounds that aren’t like real bombs?”, but it is old and Nintendo, so I don’t expect it to have a lot of advanced stuff, but the stuff it does have works and is very fun.

Because of all the stuff in this game like the cards and if you have friends the multiplayer and if you don’t have friends the multiplayer against the game will make you want to play a lot, even when you get all the cards when the game makes you want to play it again even more. There were other games after this like Bomberman and the Hero or the Second Attack of Bomberman 64, but none were as good and fun as Bomberman 64. This game is amazing and proof that I like some games, as long as they’re really good like this one.

Bomberman 64 came out about almost about 10 years ago, but it’s still one of the best fun games you can buy at any time today. A lot of games have tried to be as good as Bomberman 64, but not a lot have done so. When people say “That Massany7 doesn’t like games because he gives bad reviews to bad games”, I know they lie, because I like several games, one of which being Bomberman 64. Now that you know I like Bomberman 64, stop saying I hate video games, because I don’t, just the bad ones, which are most, but not this one, which is Bomberman 64.

No More Heroes Any More

In general, I usually like the heroic people who do fun things and as such are often heroes. I haven’t played some games for some time, so I decided I would play this game because it reminded me of a good album made a while ago and because it had heroes in the title. I then found out the game was bad. Very bad.

So you play as a man named Travis Touchdown, which is both alliterativeful and lame. Monsieur Travius thinks that he’s a guy who lives in that place where they fight wars in space, so he carries around a sword that’s not a sword but instead a bunch of light, but deadly light. And it runs on batteries. You would think he would use a gun, but you would also think this game wouldn’t be bad. You would twice be wrong. Twice.

Senor Travioso lives in a place called Santa Destroy, which I think means he hates the spirit of Christmas because Destroy isn’t a word in Spanish. Somehow he kills a man named after a song named after the fact that slides exist, and then he wants to become the best assassin in the world. Does every assassin ever live in one town? Yes, that’s what this man thinks. Basically, Travabulous Man has to listen to this girl who sounds like not a girl but like the song Fitter Happier or the voice your computer pretends it has. She talks to you in a weird way and sometimes calls you on the phone, so you have to hold the remote up to your ear which is probably the only reason the 51 guys who made this game could convince the others to make it on the Wii. It’s like this:

CEO Man: Let’s make this game on the 360 or a good system on which it will sell many copies and let us make money instead of a bad game.

51 people in unison: No, then they won’t be able to pretend they have phones.

CEOMan: Brilliance.

But it wasn’t.

So before you fight some people and try to kill them to become better somehow, you have to make money. Why? So to do this he first takes some jobs around the city, like carrying coconuts or mowing lawns. What? This man wants to pretend he’s awesome and cool, but he is not. His shirt has a heart on it and he likes anime. Also, he carries coconuts.Awesome people don’t hang around places leaning against walls recounting their coconut-carrying escapades. They kill people. Why doesn’t Tron just kill the guys who give him money? That would be interesting. Unfortunately, he just does work. When I bought this game, I wanted to have a fun game where I kill people, not do chores. 51 people must not have wanted me to like the color fun.

After you do some chores you get to kill people, but not even the killing is as fun. All you do is walk through a ton of hallways and then some hallways, maybe a room or two, then some hallways. There are also tunnels and corridors, but most of them are the same, and you just keep walking through them breaking treasure chests and killing people. You have this sword and you get to point at things to see if you want to stab them at different places. With light. Then you just press A a lot. You can also kick them. The problem is that’s really only three moves, and yet Trickle-Down Economics thinks he can be the very best like no one ever was with that? Not even the fabled Four Move Jackson could have become the greatest assassin in the city in the world with three moves.

After you hurt some people, you get to shake the remote thing in a direction to kill them, because light doesn’t kill them but light at the right angle does somehow. Every now and then you remember you like pudding, and then you get to use your sword as a gun or something, but you tend to move too slowly and lamely and often times there’s only one guy left and you kill him and think “That was lame” and leave. Twice. Also, sometimes weird things will happen like a guy throws a baseball at you and you have to hit it back, which is weird because I’ve already played baseball because it came with the Wii. It’s like those same 51s felt like people wouldn’t think the game was bad if they got to wave their arms around. Also, you have to wave your arms around to recharge the sword. It runs on batteries, and Transmogrification can’t buy AAs at a store; he has to shake it a lot. Somehow that works. It shouldn’t.

Maybe it doesn’t since there aren’t a lot of stores around. Basically there’s this big city and you have to ride around on a bike three times your size with jet engines. But you never have to buy gas. This city is big, but nothing interesting exists. There are places you can buy clothes, which are nice since you don’t anymore wear a heart and little girls on your shirt, but they don’t do anything. There are lots of buildings, but no sidequests or people to kill and steal from or balloons to return to kids who all look the same or anything. They made Travel Channel drive around for nothing, and the bike is hard to steer, since if you turn and move you always crash, so you have to turn when not moving. Did they want people to think it was Residentially Evilacular 4? It’s not. Also, police don’t seem to exist. You can pretend you’re British or run over people or destroy tress and lightposts by lightly touching them but nobody cares. Realism? That doesn’t happen.

Basically, you just keep doing this. You do chores then you kill people and along the way you ride around the pointless generic town on a bike you can’t steer while listening to Fitter Happier Woman through the controller. They also put in all sorts of crazy weird things like the town, like having a heart that was stolen from a bad NES game and put here. Also, when you kill someone, it pretends you beat Pac Man or something. Maybe the Wii didn’t have enough graphics. Instead of save points you use bathrooms to ripoff Dead Rising which ripped off things, when Trigonometry doesn’t even eat.

Basically, the game is repetitive, not very fun, and they kept doing weird things like not drawing hearts and giving you a big bike and making a town without things to do. They didn’t care about realism, so you have a ton of treasure chests in identical hallways and not police and a lot of blood when people die. They shouldn’t have that much blood. Also, I don’t think the game actually has anything to do with heroes. At all.

Metal Gear Solid 2

A guy named Kojima at a company named Konami made this game about people who talk all the time about random things and politics, and some people bought it I guess so he made a new one. This is the second, and it’s called Sons of Liberty. They were people who didn’t like England a long time ago, but there’s also apparently people like a vampire or a guy who’s fat. If that made sense, you still won’t understand this game, since it’s confusing and not good in any way.

See, it starts out okay, just with a lot of talking. There’s the Snake man from before and now he’s on a boat and he has to take pictures next to hundreds of people who don’t see him. Then a Russian guy steals a robot in the boat and you realize the game won’t make sense, since the guy has a man in his arm. There was this guy called Liquid Snake even though a snake can’t be a liquid and he died in the first game but now he’s an arm and can live as an arm attached to mister Ocelot man’s shoulder instead of his arm. Arms don’t have brains. How also can Ocelot talk like Liquid in a british accent? Arms don’t make you have accents. That makes more sense than most things in this game, even. It’s sad.

See, this is like an hour. You run around the boat shooting people then hiding them in lockers and then walking to the next room and hiding yourself in lockers and other things for no reason. It’s like they were just like “We can do things since it’s the PS2” then made the boat to show that you can do things, like shoot bottles and have them break or watch boxes get wet. It’s cool, but it’s not, since then you do something else. After this you do a different part where you play as someone who I thought was a woman but isn’t. He’s Raiden. He has white hair. Then you play as him, but he is not Snake. Snake is on the box and the back of the box and the title screen and the opening and the boat. Why can’t he be in the other place?

So now you’re on the thing called the Big Shell which isn’t that big and is lots of hexagons. You have to fight these terrorists who reference American history which is interesting but not when I should be playing a game. At this point, nothing makes sense. One of the guys is a bisexual vampire who can float and likes knifes. Another is fat. One is a black woman who carries a huge gun, and the other guy is old yet is like you. It’s weird, but they don’t do anything, since they just get together and talk about stuff like nuclear weapons still and why things happen. There’s just more talking. Lots of it.

Every now and then you can play the game, but it’s lamer now than before. You get to do cartwheels. Most of it is similar to the game before but now you can shoot in first person! That’s not as exciting as the exclamation point suggests. You can’t move while doing it. Lames. You also have to keep doing things like hiding them or dropping bodies into the ocean because otherwise people will see the body, look for you, then a minute later forget and everything will be back to normal again. There’s also a bisexual vampire.

See, all the places look the same, and you just run a bit and maybe use a grenade or gun and then you have to hear people talk. It’s this again. Why not make the sequel good? This time you have a girlfriend and so you don’t want to save, since when you save you have to hear her talk a lot about things like “I’m Rosemary. I reference Titanic and am a spice and hate you and let’s have anniversary remembrance time but you don’t remember so I’ll talk more.” I don’t like her, she’s annoying. Why does Raiden man love her? He should love someone good. You also have to talk to people from the first game, and one of them is talking about a film about escaping from New York and the other likes anime and cries. Why is this game so bad?

The other characters are horrible too, since there aren’t many, just the president man who supports terrorists and this colonel who seems like the one in the first game. He yells at you. There are only a few members of the terrorists, and they’re called Dead Cell and Sons of Liberty and there are other terms like La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo-Lo-Lu-La-Li-Le-Ly or something equally lame and the Patriots which aren’t football players and more. It’s like they had random names and used them to refer to random things even more than once, like how many of those do. S3 means so many things that they then probably got a dictionary and kept turning to the letter S and writing down words and juggling them and putting them together and making the plot from that, since there are too many of them. Like, a lot. Many.

See, you never do things. Just that small running, and the plot makes little sense. There are too many plot twists and all this stuff about how environmentalism is good and everything is a conspiracy and everything happened on April 30th. Most of the stuff they do is the same as in the first game, in fact it all is. You have to get most of the same weapons and fight bosses in the same way and there are the same characters it’s just in New York on a lot of hexagons instead of Alaska. Did they not have any ideas already? They just stole ideas and reused them and made people talk about more random things. There’s too much talking, but not about anything that makes sense.

Maybe they didn’t want you to understand the game since then you would realize the plot isn’t good, or that there isn’t one, since it’s weird and just about people talking about whatever anybody wants to say. Again, not even important things, just like as if they were Waiting for Godot and decided to talk about politics instead of taking off boots, but it’s just as boring. Actually Beckett was better, maybe Kojimimimima tried to copy from that man too.

The game looks a bit better than the other one, at least, since the main guys have eyes, but while the boat looks like a boat the hexagons just look lame. They’re all hexagons, and they all have the same colors: orange. Everything is orange. The boat looked good, but the rest is lame. Also, everyone looks pretty much the same as before, even other people, like there’s a new ninja who looks the same but isn’t supposed to be or something. The game confused me many times.

I really don’t see how people can play these games. It’s just like the last one but weirder and with a bisexual vampire and too many hexagons. Were they not able to make those in the last game so they felt like doing it only now? And why so much orange and not making sense?

MGS

Building a game can be somewhat hard, especially if you actually want to put work into it. These guys, the guys at Konami, obviously didn’t want to actually do that work. They felt games shouldn’t be games, since you actually play games, and making something to play costs money and time and more things. So he made a movie, but didn’t want to actually spend the time and money making one, so he made a movie then made a game that isn’t fun. At all. In any way.

There’s this man named Solid Snake, and he has a brother who looks just like him except they look nothing alike and his brother has a British accent. They have to be at this place which store nuclear weapons but is also an office building. Yeah, it makes no sense. They try to make the plot really confusing later on by adding all sorts of plot twists but the main story thing is about metallic gears which are robots with nuclear weapons somehow and they can walk. Why make it walk? Why not make it have wheels or fly? Or be a boat? The game is lame.

You can talk to people along the way, but they’re also so lame. There’s a colonel who hates everything, a man who sounds like another character but they hope you don’t notice that, a Chinese girl who reads sayings and poetry, another girl who loves you sometimes, this scientist man who made the bad machine yet doesn’t like it and does like anime, and some other people who are equally uninteresting. You can call them on this thing called Codec, which is a radio that freezes time and other people can’t hear it. Wow. See, it just reminds you the game isn’t real in any way. Instead, it’s quite lame.

So while pretending the story is good because there’s a cutscene every three minutes and nobody actually does anything that’s real and people lie and there are plot twists, they decided to also throw in some complaints. These guys hate nuclear power and eugenics and war and the fact that people exist and everything else, so they keep having scenes that go into tangential tangent tangents about how bad things are by showing movies. Why so many movies, men? This is a game.

You also have bosses which aren’t really realistic in any way ever? You have to fight these guys and they can fly or survive guns and helicopter explosions, and when you kill random guys you have to hear them talk a lot about crows and how much this kid hates his dad and the Kurdish-Everyone who isn’t Kurdish conflict and why people in England don’t like foxes and everything else. They just talk, since they don’t want you to play the game you payed to play and instead of playing you sit and go like “I’m not playing this game!” Then you’re sad. It’s lame. It’s like they had a bunch of ping pall balls and instead of playing ping pong since that would be work they put topics on them and randomly picked some and then made a lots of speeches with them. Why not instead make a game?

Anyways, for something like around five minutes every couple of ten minute periods you get to actually play and then you really realize why this game is bad. The game pretends to be a stealth game where you have to not be seen, but that’s really just being a couple feet away from people and hiding in a box and running into another room if they find you. See, these guards have often Alzheimer’s or whatever it is that makes them not remember since after several minutes they just seem to ask “I never saw anyone?” and leave. So you just run, and occasionally shoot, but not well.

See you have a gun, but the people can hear them well so if you press the square button you basically die unless you run a short distance and hide for a minute. In other words, this game is bad. Sometimes they just make you do stupid things like move controller ports or looking at the game case instead of playing the game. They basically just did these things so you can pretend the game makes you think when really it just rants about random things and makes you do random things. The whole game is basically just existing to string together the rants. Maybe these people should just write books about topics they find noteworthy and not make games, though this is barely a game since it’s mostly something you just sit there for and listen to lectures y characters.

You get lots of weapons, like one named after Communists and one that lets you plant suitcases that explode, but you don’t often have to use them. You also can’t. See, you just run around and hope you’re shooting well, since you can’t aim or go into first person or see where you’re shooting since the camera man is above your head not letting you see anything. They just did this kind of thing so you can’t see the graphics, which aren’t fun. Snake man doesn’t have eyes, all the walls are blurry and lame, and the areas are all the same. You’re just in an office and outside and in a cave and a tower and other places that are all either inside a lame building or outside in lame snow with no animals except birds and some rats. Why not let Snake pet a moose?

Also, you only run back and forth and forth between all these places, since the area is small and the guys at Konami place didn’t let people actually go and have fun and explore and see Alaska even though this place is in Alaska. So you run around a lot and keep going back and doing some parts like a cave with mean wolves many times. They could have made more than just a few places you do over again but they didn’t, since they were lame and just wanted to write things about things and have characters say them for several hours.

Then there’s music, and there are only two songs, and they aren’t even interesting. One is in Russian or something which I don’t speak, and the other one is the main theme or whatever that plays when you get caught and it lasts for only a minute since after that the guards forget. That’s not real at all. This game tries to be real which is why people talk so much and there are a ton of numbers about how many warheads exist and why people hate each other, but they ignore basic things like the fact that people can see and that game players don’t like it when a game is just about random speeches about FBI investigations and references to older games nobody played.

Nothing in this game is good. It’s a random plot that makes no sense with random rants and videos about random things mixed with bad controls, irrealistic things, bad music, horrible graphics, not interesting characters, and it’s repetitive. At least it isn’t long, even though there are two sdiscs, since these guys didn’t make the game fun. They didn’t try too hard, they were just lazy and made something else instead. Something lame. This. Metal Gear Solid.

Zombies in a mall

Taking pictures of Zombies in a Mall. Can you think of anything that isn’t a ripoff of? The game even has a little box on the box that says it stole from the Romero man who made other things with the word dead in the name. This game is Dead Rising, a game so unoriginal it should probably be called Ripoff Rising, which would then have the whole alliteration thing going for it. This game is about there’s this guy who wants a Pulitzer prize and so he arrives in a mall to take pictures of zombies, and then leaves after three days since he’s lame and doesn’t want to be fun and stay for four, and none of that is new. Malls with bad things were in Silent Hill 3, photos were in Pokemon Snap, zombies are always in things, 3 days is stolen from Majora and the Mask, and the main character is named Frank. Why not come up with a new name, like Slaktimalistro? That would be mildly entertaining, unlike this game, which is not.

So when you’re running around this mall and taking pictures, you realize that seriously there’s almost no story. A guy wants a Pulitzer so he takes pictures of zombies in a mall, and while he’s there he rescues some people. Wow. Lame. Fat. First off, last time I checked you got Pulitzers for writing, not taking pictures. I mean, if I wanted to win an Oscar I wouldn’t start painting a picture of three boats, I would make several films. He should write books, not this. Also then, when you picture a journalist, you probably don’t picture this guy. He looks almost exactly like some Grand Theft Auto guy. I wouldn’t trust him to take my picture since I would think he would beat me up or try to sell me a rival Grand Theft Auto man’s kidney. He also looks mad. The zombies are also horrible men. They look exactly like humans, just with maybe a tiny bit of blood or something like they died a day ago. Lots of people don’t always die, but this game wants you to forget that things make sense because in this game they don’t in many ways at all. Like why do zombies groan? They’re dead. They have no vocal cords, or at least they can’t use them. If I shot you, you wouldn’t be groaning when you got up, you would die.

So what do you do? There’s a plot, but it makes you run around a lot and the saving is horrible and won’t let you beat the game. See, you have one save file, so if you have friends they can’t play, and if you save and then don’t have time to do what you have to since the game is timed then you have to start over. It’s lame. At least the game is short, which is horrible because the game is short. You have three days, and they aren’t days, because they don’t take too long, and there’s not much to do. You’re in a mall and there are zombies and you can kill zombies. They lied to you and said you can use a lot of things but you can but they’re lame, since you have swords and guns and so why would you want to use a necklace to kill a zombie when it won’t work and it will break? That’s the other thing: things break. It’s lame.

You need to play the game several many times to be able to beat the game, since you gain levels which let you do things like spin in circles or hold more things or be able to actually win. For when you’re running around, though, there’s nothing to do since you die all the time. The zombies don’t do much in the day but at night they kill you more often and have red eyes which is weird since it’s dark. You just try to kill them over and over, and they come back. How? You do that so many times, and when you beat the game by playing for a few hours it just says “Now beat it again!” Why do I need to beat it five times before I can beat it? Why not make the game fun?

The other thing is that the mall is weird. It’s really big and has things malls don’t have. Why do malls need a meat processing area? Malls don’t process meat. Ever. There’s a big bunch of grass in the middle, and how do people get in? There’s one door, but many buildings. There’s a parking lot in the middle of them all which are in like a circle, but those cars couldn’t get in or out. Do they have helicopters to move the cars? The mall has a helipad on the roof. Why? People don’t have helicopters, and helicopters don’t land in malls, and they could land in the middle, which is lame and wouldn’t be in a mall. You won’t want to run around it anyway, since only one store sells guns even though there are also some in fountains and places for some reason and if you go to some place, even the gun store, you sometimes find mean people who try to kill you and have weapons of their own.

But I still don’t like that you have to do the same thing so many times, since you have to do the same things each time, like the beginning part and having to beat the same bosses over and over and trying to get the guns again and all this other lame stuff. When you finally get to be somewhat good and try to do the plot, you find it’s lame. You have to keep doing things in a small period of time and the save points are far away and you keep failing. There are weird bosses that you have to fight and then you also see the other mean guys around the mall who try to kill you sometimes which makes it hard, but then there are parts where you don’t have to do anything for hours and have to wait a lot. Then you see that the game has a bad story, since it’s not about zombies, it’s about beef and a town called Santa Cabeza which means Saint Head and insects that make people into zombies. You also have to fight a tank. The game doesn’t make sense, and is hard.

While doing this you get achievements, but not many, since there are too many, and they’re all worth the same which is weird. Why is taking a picture the same as doing this extra thing where you have to leave the threesixtyclads on for almost a day and press a button every now and then to drink juice while surviving? And you have to still beat the game too many times to do most of them. Why didn’t they just make the game longer? They just wanted to make small things and make you do them many times so you think the game is long. It isn’t. It’s short.

Why would you play a game that isn’t original and is short? Why not play a fun game? Why are there many questions in my review? It’s because this game makes no sense and I think the people at Capcom made a bad game which they shouldn’t have done. They should have made one that was good.

Warring Gears, though of the kind that aren’t Guilty

When you hear the word Gears you probably think of those things in the clocks that make clocks work being gears. This game isn’t about clocks. This game, which is called Gears of War, has nothing to do with gears, they threw that on because people wouldn’t buy this game if it was called Not Interesting Shooting Game, which is what it should be called.

You play as a man who is not a gear and is on many steroids probably named Marcus Phoenix Arizona, and he has to kill locusts. What? Locusts are small bugs with many of the legs, but these locusts are big and like you and not bugs. They’re supposed to live underground, but we know what it’s like underground. It’s hot and there’s lava, and anything that lives there can’t come up because of said lava. Yet these guys do.

But you have to read the enclosed instructions manual because it has the story, which is all about energy dependency and the dangers of not sharing, and if you play the game you don’t get a story. They’re just like “Man, you should shoot and sometimes kill things” and you’re supposed to be like “Sure” but I’m not, because I like to know things about my games, but this has nothing about it.

So when you fight you just walk through a bunch of hallways and press A a lot since everything happens with the button A. See, you do things like shoot but you first have to crouch, and there are things to crouch behind, but then you just shoot and crouch more until you beat the game. There are some bosses which also require you to do the running things, but not too much all in alls. Kangaroo farming is not something you would do, nor is even talking to people about things, or doing anything since all they want you to do is have guns and use them to shoot the things, and it’s lame.

When you kill them, there’s also a lot of the blood stuff. You have a gun and it has a chainsaw on it, which is weird since what if you cut your fingers, but somehow you don’t, but you chop locust heads I guess. It’s weird. Why put a chainsaw on a gun. Guns can kill very well without chainsaws, and chainsaws are for cutting trees, not locust men. You get too much blood also, since it’s like “YOU CAN’T SEE THINGS!” when you kill with it since the screen gets red. I don’t like being blind. This was poor design. It was.

Unless you want to only do this all the time, which you probably won’t, you might have to try to do sidequests, but there are none, since the game is linier. You just walk forward a lot and sometimes split up with other lame people but mostly always do the same things. You can find little COG tags though. Cog is a reference to the gear idea, while it is a parody of dog tags. That is clever, is it not? No, it is lame, as is the collection, since there aren’t a lot, but there’s one everywhere, since the game is short.

See, you have five chapters. Five. That is a small number. You’re almost always doing the same thing also. I guess once you get to do horrible driving which everyone hates, but mostly it’s just crouching and shooting while going down corrisdors.

As I said, there’s not even much of a story to talk about. You can map tunnels and then you blow them up by fighting a guy on a train, then it ends. I guess there will be more games, but this one should have a story, it shouldn’t only be crouching and then doing more crouching and every now and then and other times shooting several grenades or using guns. There are people, but nobody really says or does much except exist and be like “I’m existing” and not help you because those people are lame. You have to just be running to them and picking them up, but they don’t pick you up, since they’re mean and not interesting in any ways.

If you look at yon achievements for this game, though, you see they want you to play many times. They are Epic, that’s their name, though they really aren’t since nothing in this game is epic since it’s just about fighting not bugs using not parts of clocks. Anyway, they have difficulty modes where even the last isn’t hard at all and then this thing where you have to play as another guy who looks also on steroids. Why would people play this many times? They wouldn’t, or at least I wouldn’t, because it wasn’t even fun at the first time.

So when you realize this game isn’t good you might consider playing multiple player mode online, even though you need to pay money for Xbox Alive and more money for new maps to get achievements. Multiple players is not underrated, because everyone likes it but it’s lame in many ways. They have four modes and two are really the same and the others aren’t interesting. In three of them you die and can never play more, which is so lame. In Halo and other games that are actually fun you get to keep playing. This game says you can’t play too often. If I have a game, I want to play it, not instantly die then watch other people play. If I wanted to only watch people do things I wasn’t doing I would play Mario Party 8 or go to Prague for some reason.

In any case, the game both single and multiplayer are repetitive and not interesting in the first place. The graphics are kinda good looking, but why are all the people on mega steroids, why do the locusts look like the people but with gray or grey skin and wrinkles like old people? Why are there so few females in this game? The locust guys have the queen and berserker people locusts and the humans have only one person. Why don’t many women exist? Do the guys at Epic hate them many ways or are they just all lame people who don’t want to do the work to make people who didn’t all look like the same lump of big steroided people with guns? Maybe that’s also why this game takes three hours or sometimes a bit more and then says “You have beat the short game. You wasted several dollars to play this game”. It says that since I did. This cost 60 of my dollars to play and it was just somewhat good graphics without a story or sidequests or girls. They say this is Epic but it is not. It is not at all.

4 Resident Evil

Generally, people who sell the real estate get to choose if they want to sell Commercial or Residential stuff. Usually, the people doing the latter don’t predict that people who buy yon residential property might turn out to be evil. That’s exactly not the situation that Mister Leonidas Kennedy man encounters in 4 Resident evil, the game that’s not the fourth Resident Evil game since there was zero and the one with the guy who dressed like a girl and people went to Antarctica. In this game, there’s a girl and a man who has to go into Spain and kill everyone, and even maybe ride a boat. This game is bad.

The president’s daughter went on a vacation in a lame place and got kidnapped by cultists, and if you want a better story you don’t have one, since there isn’t one. You basically get to be this guy who looks emo and like he would cut himself while playing acoustic guitar, but he really gets guns. You fight enemies, then rescue the annoying girl, then move several feet, then she gets kidnapped again and you keep doing this. They thought that was a plot. It isn’t.

See, nobody in the game is fun. There’s the lame main guy named Leonard or something Scott, the president’s daughter who seems like she’s 12 and is annoying since she keeps being like “I’m not smart! Help me since I can’t run away from the guy who’s killing me several times!”. Then there’s a girl in a red dress who follows you places and doesn’t like anything and can jump too high with a hookshot. Then there’s a scary man who has everything but sells them using a lame currency that people don’t actually use. Why not use Euros? They use pesetas. Dollars would also be good. This guy shows up everywhere, and runs shooting galleries and stuff inside this other man’s castle. Does this make sense? No.

The bad people aren’t interesting either. There’s first this guy with a beard and creepy eyes and a big spine who you only see once, there’s a guy with a staff who talks slowly and spends money on stupid things, a short man with a huge castle that spans several miles and has go-carts and lava, and then this muscular guy who survives anything and has a claw. Really, all the people survive a lot. How? There’s one guy who can lose his legs, a man who gets killed many times and jumps high and has a claw still, and people who can lose all their body parts and replace them with parts of bugs or plants or something. What? This game makes no sense.

None of this does at all. Why does Leon go there when he can’t speak Spanish? Why can’t many of the other people speak Spanish, since they say things like the Los Illuminados when Los means The. That’s the cult. Also, why is the title 4 Residential Evil? The 4 should come later, like after the Evil, not before.

So while you play this, there are enemies, and they kill you. See, Leon can die, unlike everything else. He doesn’t have a bulletproof vest? He should. Anyway, these people are too strong. The kill you if they touch you twice and you can shoot them in the head and it will do nothing. How? These people are farmers, why don’t they die. Farmers can die. If I went to Wisconsin and started a farm I wouldn’t meet some magical wizard man who would say “I won’t let you die since you’re a farmer!” and put bugs in my head. That’s the other thing. They have bugs in their heads, and when you kill them you haven’t since the bugs come out. Why? This game is too hard, and everything kills you all the time.

The people who always kill you aren’t even good. There are them and dogs and sometimes women them, and some have chainsaws, but they all kill you. Then there are people in robes who kill you, and sometimes you walk along and see a picture at the bottom of the screen and if you don’t do what it tells you you die. Why do you always die? Why can’t Leon have regenerating shields or be able to kill others? Isn’t he part of the government? He should be rich enough to buy armor from people who aren’t scary and guns that can actually kill people.

It’s also hard to do because of the way things work. You have to point the remote thing at the screen but you can’t move it so you have to use the stick. What? I know. You also can’t move while you shoot. You have to stand still. Why? Why not move while you’re shooting them, that way you could actually not die maybe. But the game doesn’t want that, it wants you to always die always.

And when you play, you see that this game is short. You basically go to three places. There’s a village where you run back and forth a lot, then there’s a castle which is huge and has random things like a giant statue or a tower to turn a bridge that leads to the tower and a room with lava. Who puts lava in a castle? It seems like a bad idea. Also, who is the evil resident? Is it him? The man in the castle? Oh well, then you go to a mine which is kinda the castle but kinda a mine, and then there’s chapter 5 which is as long as the rest of the game and has horrible things like gray guys which kill you all the time. Why is no one nice?

See, the whole time they have no new ideas, you keep running to where Ashley woman is and rescuing her and trying to see her not die many times and then seeing her kidnapped again. I guess sometimes you have to do puzzles, but the puzzles are like things where there’s a switch and you stand on the switch and you solved the puzzle. You never have to do anything hard, just random things, and there shouldn’t be puzzles. To go into the castle you have to find parts of a puzzle and put them together. Does the man just have to run around his huge castle thing every time he has to go to sleep in his room? He doesn’t have a room, anyway. The castle has lava and a tower that turns a bridge and a giant plant that eats things and then tries to kill you, but nothing like a kitchen or room with beds. Wow, that’s realistic, except it’s not. Who builds that castle?

When you realize the main game isn’t good, there are others, but they’re also horrible. There’s a one where you play as other people and do the same thing but you have to shoot people more quickly and combo them and it’s impossible since you die. Then there’s one where you do the game again but only parts and as somebody else who dies even easier. There’s a harder mode where you die even more often, and another one where you play as the girl named Ada and die. You always die. This game is too hard and lame and weird.

Residential Evil doesn’t let you do anything since it’s too linear, there aren’t many interesting places, the game is short, and you always die, and the characters aren’t interesting, and the plot is lame, and there are even other things wrong with it. You probably shouldn’t play it unless you like playing games that aren’t good.

Darkish Blue Prophecy

Indigo Prophecy is a game that was called Fahrenheit not 9/11 or 451 in the countries that don’t use Fahrenheit to measure how hot it is, but for the country that does they changed it. They changed many things, actually, like censorship. This game has it. Many times. Anyway, this game is one where it isn’t really a game, since usually you play games, but in this you don’t. If you think Simon Says was a game, then maybe yes, but otherwise no. Not in any way, since you don’t do much. You just talk a lot, and I mean a lot, and you have to move sticks since the people who made this game didn’t know how to actually use buttons. A button is one of those colored things you press to do things. Atari didn’t know that.

So you play as this guy who kills a guy in a restaurant, and also other people. The first man is a citizen named Lucas Kane, and he doesn’t do anything. He’s a guy and he reads a book which is actually a play and kills that guy then he can see into the future somehow. But not the good future, the type where he could see robots and nuclear bombs, but the lame several seconds future, where he realizes a guy will walk somewhere or spill some coffee soon and you have to talk to him or tell him not to spill the coffee. Mister Kane man also has a brother who likes religion and a girlfriend who he doesn’t have sex with since this was the lame version in America. America should get better things than censored games.

There are also the policemen men, and one is a woman. The other is black, since they had to include people so people wouldn’t be sad that people who look like them weren’t in games. Those guys get to play basketball or breathe underground while moving file cabinets with cranks on the walls, but nothing that’s interesting. Sometimes they have to go to a place and look at things, but you have to be both of them and I didn’t like the black guy, not because I don’t like black guys, but because this one guy was lame. He didn’t do much except exist and talk sometimes, except he talked a lot, since Indigo Prophecy has people talk often.

See, the game works like this. You have to do a lot of lame stuff that isn’t fun when you wake up, like answering the phone and putting on clothes and drinking milk, and if you don’t you commit suicide or something. Seriously, if you don’t do things your character man gets sad and then he does something like quit his job if you’re the black guy or kill himself if you’re the killer guy. So you have to keep him happy by doing things like showering, and to do that you have to use the sticks in weird ways. Anyway, after this you usually talk to people using the sticks. See, there are people in this game, and you go to them and then there’s a stick that gets shorter and tells you to hurry up and talk and you have to move the stick to choose what to talk about and if you don’t it’s a problem and the people are sad again. It’s lame, and the time is short. If I was talking to my girlfriend and I didn’t say anything for 10 seconds she wouldn’t say “I don’t like you anymore” and leave my house. She would be nice, but these people aren’t. Why aren’t they nice?

Then sometimes you have to do weirder things where you get to play a Simon Says thing where they show things on the screen and you move the sticks to match them for a long time to do anything, like running from bugs or playing the guitar to convince a girl to not have sex with you if you live in America or boxing with another person who works next to you for no reason. See, none of this is for a reason, not even drinking the milk. It seems like the people didn’t want to make a story, especially not one that doesn’t have many day gaps, they just wanted to say they made a game so they put random things you have to do like the basketball game. Why? This is about a murder. Maybe it isn’t, since they don’t talk about that too much. It’s mostly about people and how they talk to each other way too much. You don’t ever really do anything actually.

You also have to occasionally move, but even that’s horrible. See, as the police people you often have to be both of them and press B to switch them which is the only time you press buttons. You have to keep looking around a place since not both of them have eyes and only one will notice there’s a knife while only the other will notice blood exists, so it’s like one of those lame adventure games twice. Then as everyone you have to worry about staying not emo by still doing things like drinking water and going to yon bathroom and all this other stuff. I guess it’s realistic, but it takes too long. I don’t have to spend a lot of time in the morning before going out and running from policemen and moving sticks to jump over bus, and I don’t get sad if I don’t drink; just thirsty. Thirst isn’t bad, and I won’t kill myself from not having water. You also have to always walk, and you walk slowly. You can kinda run, but it looks so lame and isn’t much faster. It seems like they did all that to just make the game longer. Instead of having you do things that are actually fun. Couldn’t they have made the game long? No, that would cost work and they would have to think of actual things to do instead of waking up, doing things, and then saying “I would do those things again. Let’s make a video game.”

A lot in this game is like that, where they did something for a lame reason not involving being good. For example, the snow. Snow is happening often and all the time, so you can’t see far, so they didn’t have to draw New York City. That’s where this takes place, but you wouldn’t know since you’re just in small areas and if you want to move more than a few feet Kane says “I don’t want to move” and turns around. He should want to explore. Why is he walking around a few small places if cops are looking for him? Why not leave the city or run well or drive or go on an adventure? Why do Atari men not want me to explore the city or do something fun? Why do they just make me do a lot of stupid stick movements to play guitar or drink milk?

See, when I bought this game for $15, I thought I would be paying $15 dollars for something good, like a game. This doesn’t have anything like that, though. It’s just a lame story with lame characters and too much movement of the sticks to do pointless things since they didn’t want to actually make a long game. Too much of it is talking and taking showers so I don’t get too sad. Why would I play something like this when I could be doing something fun? I wouldn’t.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

There is a video game series out there known as The Elder Scrolls, available for computers and now the Xbox and Xbox 360 platforms. I haven’t played the first two games in the series, but I know someone who has played Morrowind, which was the third game. This one is called The Elder Scrolls 4 and is called Oblivion. The name refers to a hell-like realm in the game. You have to close gates to this realm because monsters are coming out. There’s other stuff to do in the game as well, though. This is my review of The Elder Scrolls 4.

You know that story I talked about? That’s almost it. For some reason the emperor is killed, and for some reason that causes portals to Oblivion to open. That makes no sense, though. You have to close these portals while getting some other guy on the throne. For some reason, though, he needs an amulet, which you have to track down at the same time. What do amulets have to do with becoming an emperor anyway? Did Tony Blair need to wear a ring to become Prime Minister of Europe? I know it’s supposed to be a fantasy, but it still makes no sense.

Anyway, your character is an escaped prisoner who for some reason is the only one who can do anything about this stuff. You would think they wouldn’t trust a prisoner to save the world, though. Would you trust Al Capone to run the Department of Homeland Security? Anyway, along the way you can join a bunch of “guilds” that have you do jobs for them, but you don’t really get much for doing them, and the quests are all the same. Every Dark Brotherhood (one guild) quest has you kill someone, for example. It’s pretty unrealistic how little variety there is. I doubt the only thing a mob member would do is drop people in rivers. They would have variety, something the guild quests for some reason don’t have.

Also, what exactly ARE the Elder Scrolls? They’re mentioned every now and then, but are they really important enough to have a series named after them?

A lot of games, movies, etc have distinctive themes that you remember. When I say Pirates of the Carribean, you probably think of that “Du du DUH DUH DUH DUH da da duh duh DUN DUN DUN” theme that it has, for example. This game just doesn’t have a memorable theme. None of the music is memorable, even. It fits the mood, but you don’t remember it at all. Maybe they didn’t put much effort in because the Xbox 360 has custom soundtracks. You’ll want to play your music during the game, but when you play music you can barely hear the characters, so you have to read the subtitles. I don’t play games to read. If I wanted to read, I would pick up a book. They didn’t balance the sound well at all.

Also, the sound effects aren’t great either. When you put away your sword, you’ll hear a metal-against-metal sound. Yet the sheath isn’t metal, and some swords aren’t even sheathed. When you drop a potion on the ground, you hear a sound that sounds like rock-against-rock, even though the potion is glass. When you hit a tree with your sword, it makes a metallic clanking sound instead of a wood-like sound effect. In real life, if you were in a forest, cut down a tree, and heard it fall but the sound was the sound of rock-on-rock, you would be creeped out and think you were in some kind of Truman Show starring Jim Carrey. You would no longer be engaged in the task of cutting down the tree. The poor sound effects take you out of the game and may as well scream out “THIS ISN’T REAL!” Fun.

The graphics definitely look nice, but they aren’t that realistic. There are all kinds of different races, but none of them look like humans. They don’t even seem proportional. When you go to make a character, you can’t get them to look real either. Actually, why do you get to craft your character. When you have a baby, you can’t just choose how he’ll look. You have to get expensive plastic surgery. What happens for most of the game is that the grpaphics look good, but the make no sense. For example, there are nice looking streets, but no cars, carrages, or anything else that would necessitate a street. You can look into the sky and see moons, but they’re IN FRONT OF THE CLOUDS. Also, your character is static. He never changes. Dive under water and his hair stays the same. If the YMCA pool didn’t affect your hair, you would either be wearing a ton of product or you would sue the Y for putting crazy chemicals in the water. Is the water in this area polluted or something? Also, the towns are nice, but almost all of the wilderness is the same. Hills, trees, dirt, and grass. That’s it. And maybe some caves. The point is they didn’t put a ton of effort into the outside areas.

Everyone talks about how open-ended this game is, and it is, but at the same time it’s not. You can only fast travel (an alternative to walking) to a few areas, which really limits exploration. You can play as a lot of characters, like a mage or fighter or thief, but you won’t get very far if you aren’t a fighter. It’s very unfair. It’s like if a bank refused to loan money to anybody who wasn’t an accountant. We would get a ton of accountants, but nobody else and thus our economy would collapse. You see, enemies get stronger as you level up, but if you level up thief-related skills, you can’t beat them very easily. Those Oblivion gates you have to close are much harder if you aren’t a fighter. To close them you have to find and then climb a tower in the realm, and at the top grab a stone-like thing to close it. It isn’t explained what this stone does or how you escape after closing it, but the point is that there are enemies in those towers that will give you a lot of trouble if you aren’t a fighter. In real life you can drive to the store even if you aren’t a racecar driver, so why should it be different in this game?

Let’s talk about weapons, shall we? You can get things like bows and arrows, swords, short swords, long swords, and axes, but nothing better than that. That means no guns, no missles, etc. Wouldn’t the giant, menacing creatures be easier to beat with heat-seeking missles? This game takes place in 4000 something, and they’ve gone that long without inventing those kind of things? I know it’s a fantasy, but civilizations used concrete before the Romans invented it, so why couldn’t guns and missles be invented in this realm?

There’s also the issue of the camera. You can play in first or third person, but in third person the camera gets really weird and you can barely move. For some reason, you can only see the back of your character, though considering how horrible they look that’s probably a good thing.

You really can’t replay this much. After you finish all the quests for the guilds and beat the quest, what else is there to do? They say you can play it gain, but that’s stupid. If a great band came out with one album, and everyone said they should make another, they wouldn’t say “listen to our first one again,” Yet that seems like what Bethesda (the company that made this game) thinks. It took them 5 years to make this game, and all we could do while waiting was replay Morrowind, which had even less replay value to it. Why does it take them so long to make these games anyway? Ratchet and Clank has a new game every year. So does Madden, Burnout, Pokemon, and Mario Party. So why does Bethesda take years and years?

Everyone claims this game is great, but it isn’t. It’s repetitive, unrealistic, and poorly balanced. There’s no replay value to be found, and too many bad things. The Elder Scrolls 5 might fix this stuff, but it probably won’t come out until the Xbox 720 is released. Until then, we’re left with something mediocre and lame. The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion gets a 3 out of ten. That score is not an average or anything, but does it need to be? No.